Day 301: Paris says no
36yearsago.com
Vienna 1971—A Student Journal
A year of music, study, travel, sightseeing &
friends.
Day
301 — Paris says no
29-May-1972
(Montag–Mon.)
TRANSCRIPT
Regular day: practice and lessons.
Life doesn’t always go uphill. Well, I was hoping for
an answer from Paris and I go it. As I was
realistically expecting, I didn’t get it. In spite of
being realistic, there was always that slight hope,
and thus I am disappointed. Perhaps “feeling sorry
for myself” is more like it. It probably would have
been so great. But, I simply didn’t have it. And my
lack of previous work proved that. Well, I won’t do
any rationalizing and instead begin to work harder. I
have a long way to catch up but I think I’ll be able
to do it.
Motto: Living’s easy. Life’s hard.
Proverb: Don’t count your chickens before the eggs
hatch.
Rationalization: Just because someone else doesn’t
think I’m great, doesn’t mean I’m not….Ha!
Common sense: Quit shoveling the bull, and do some
real work.
REFLECTIONS
Fontainbleau
says no. For a
second, I was wondering what I was referencing in the
journal and then realized it was Fontainbleau. But I
had already written about my not getting into
Fontainbleau on Day 277 “Note from Nadia Boulanger”
(May 5). What gives?
I made a mistake in the blog. Looking back at Day
277, I see that the personal handwritten note from
Nadia Boulanger was dated May 2 received on May 5. I
thought that the typed letter from the Fontainebleau
school was on the same day, but I see now that it was
dated May 24, and received today. That means that in
1972, from May 5, I was feeling pretty good from the
note and knew that I was not getting a scholarship
but was still hoping for a possible admittance.
Today, I get the formal letter saying that I did not
get the scholarship and was not admitted.
In my depressed state of mind, I write some bizarre
pseudo-philosophical statements that don’t make sense
(remember, I was depressed). However, I do admit that
my “compositional” background and experience is
rather weak compared to say an undergraduate
composition major.
I should not feel too bad because the implication is
that if I had the money, perhaps even reduced a bit,
I could have attended. I seem to be somewhat grounded
in reality. That’s good. I’ll be fine.
See Day 277, May 5 for a look at both documents.
John
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